Sometimes I feel I am adrift on the ocean.
We usually plan most anything in life. Sudies,careers, jobs, relationships, our clothes and our food. The thing is that plans not always work as we planned and this is in fact a good thing, because such drawbacks force to rethink our plans, something that keeps us busy in life. Sometimes, however, things go way out of hand and a complete re-planning is necessary.
In such moments in life I feel adrift.
I think this is how I feel right now and this doesn’t mean I am desperate, depressed or the like. No! What happens to me is that “now what?” feeling that takes too much space in my mind. In these situations I usually have a plan B in store or even a plan C, D or E.
Not this time.
Let me explain. The problem is that I had been counting on and expecting for a family inheritance that would give me some peace of mind later in life. It is not than I will not get that money. I will, but it may be far less…well, somewhat less than what I had imagined. One of the reasons is that the money will be given to me while my mom is alive ( good thing!) so she is entitled to do whatever she sees fit with her money. But the result is that my share might not be as generous as I wanted.
Is this a selfish feeling? Probably so. Is it a relapse of the lack of respect I had for others? It surely is not.
I would say that this situation can be depicted in one very simple word: Karma. This is how the hindus call it when it is time to pay the bill. My lack of respect for others throughout the years is claiming its tool now. I believe that if I accept this and live with whatever I will be given from life I will be calm and happy again. Lastly, this is not to say that my mom doesn’t love or respect me but it is a situation that is mathematical unfair. I will still have my share. And then there will be my dad’s inheritance someday, when I get much, much older.
Here is a photo my mom took this morning from her window in her bedroom.